7 Steps to Compassionate Goal-Setting in 2024
Rather than setting resolutions, let’s set flexible goals with self-compassion. Why? We’re all human. We’re all imperfect. Oftentimes, setting resolutions includes a high expectation that is not always realistic for a human to complete. Am I saying that we shouldn’t push ourselves? No. However, I am saying that we should set realistic, loving goals that help us make our lives more fulfilling. You’ll need your journal to answer the questions below, which will help you identify your compassionate and flexible goals for the start of 2024. Try to create a quiet space for yourself to reflect on these questions. Before starting, notice how you feel about setting goals. Nervous? Excited? Hopeful? Any emotion is okay. When you’re ready, start with the questions below.
What’s important to you? What do you care about? When identifying your values, it may be useful to reference a list like Brene Brown's Dare to Lead List of Values. Your values are a great way to give direction to your goals. Identify at least 5 of your top values.
How are your values visible in your life currently? Take a moment to appreciate the feeling of aspects of your life feeling aligned with your values.
What areas of your life are not aligned with your values at this time? Reflecting on this question can help you identify your current priorities and where you’d like to shift them. Remember to give yourself some patience and compassion here. You are a human, which means you’re imperfect.
For now, choose one answer from question #3 to focus on. Write one goal related to that answer. For example, if you recognized that you value friendship, and you also see your best friend way less than you’d like to, maybe your goal sounds something like this: “I would like to see my friend once a month.” Remember these considerations when writing a goal:
make the goal realistic (are you actually able to complete the goal when you consider your schedule, finances, etc.?)
set a time-frame for you to complete it in (by February, every month, every week, etc.)
identify any necessary steps you need to take in order to reach the goal (reach out to the friend, set a weekly reminder to reach out to the friend, look for a new coffee shop to go to with your friend, etc.)
you can choose to make one of those smaller steps the actual goal, or you can keep them in mind when working toward your original goal
make sure the goal isn’t too big, and scale it back if necessary (plan a weekly coffee chat with my friend —> reach out to my friend once per month)
Repeat step #4 for a few more values or aspects of your life.
Depending on how detailed your goals are you may choose to narrow your focus to a few goals.
Next, we need to figure out how to actually implement these goals. For each goal, write down 1-3 steps needed, if you haven’t already. I would encourage you to focus on one small step at a time. You might choose to set a reminder for yourself (or maybe a few reminders if you’re like me…), put a post-it note reminder on your bathroom mirror, or any other way of giving yourself some support in taking that first step.
How do you feel now? What emotions are you feeling? Whether you feel overwhelmed, empowered, or anything else, your feeling is valid. Again, remember that we’re practicing self-compassion here. When you mess up, forget to work toward your goal, or it goes unexpectedly, breathe and let yourself try again. You also have permission to change, remove, or add goals at any point. You’ve got this and I’m proud of you!
